the kitchen table altar

(spelt oatmeal pecan pancakes (thank you melissa!!!) with my grandpa's fresh pears that were fairly alcoholic by the time i sliced them. um, so yum. the pears melted upon contact. sigh. i'm still dreaming of my grandpa's summer peaches that i simply did not get enough of, but made some awesome ice cream with. bronwyn made the flags. . .like me, she loves to arrange the table).

the one thing that stood out to me from jamie oliver's most recent season of his "food revolution" was when he was in a home of a single dad who wanted to learn to cook and make meals for his two boys at home, rather than relying on fast food. they created a space for the kitchen table in the kitchen and jamie sat down and said, "this is the altar of your family."

i think about that statement a lot.

this week is week eight for me of meal planning. each week when i sit down to do it--i usually bring stacks of cookbooks, my recipe binders, and the ipad to look up food blogs and a blank piece of paper. i open up my fridge, see what i need to use. look at my pantry. and then begin. it is mind bending and more than a bit time-consuming. for those who have done this for years--i bow to your brilliance. why it has taken me ten years to get past the four o'clock, "what's for dinner?" i have no idea. there have been many times in the almost two months that i have wondered, "is this worth it?" this planning, and shopping, and cooking and the endless clean up of dishes. i wasn't sure that it was. but i kept trying, hoping it would get easier.

my days are busier with tons of cooking and clean up, but less stressful. we haven't made any fast food runs for a long time. which was my easy fall back. we have saved tons of money (it also helped that i started doing this during harvest time).

and yesterday, as i looked ahead to my week, i thought there just might be a corner to turn.

you know the one. when the incredibly hard new thing you are trying makes a break through of results, or ease, or enjoyment or simply habit.

we had a lovely, lovely sunday. fresh harvest cucumber pear apple juice. banana pancakes. eggs. keifr smoothies. homemade bread with homemade jam.

perhaps because it has been a year since i started taking cali's awesome classes i have been really reflective. now there is a basis of knowledge and skills and things don't seem so crazy hard. a lot of work, sure. . .but not "i don't know what to do" hard.

last night i finished compiling our nutrition group's recipes. 86 pages (if you'd like me to email them to you let me know!). and in my hands (okay under my fingertips on the computer) i had a little manual that i wish i would have had a year ago. it really represents a lot of collective work of so many awesome women. women who kept on pushing through, even when plagued with thoughts of,"'is it worth it."

yesterday, as a happy family sat down to our kitchen table altar i thought i might have heard a small whisper of, 'yes.'

and as i start the week at that same table, with another blank page and a fridge full of green peppers a pantry full of red onions and a freezer of fresh venison:), i think. . .fajitas.

. . .and it starts to get easier.